


Shattered

by Yaoi_Girl



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst, Boys' Love, M/M, Romance, Shounen-ai
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-09
Updated: 2012-08-09
Packaged: 2017-11-11 18:33:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/481574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yaoi_Girl/pseuds/Yaoi_Girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being unwilling dragged to clean Bookman and Junior's room, thanks to the rodents now nesting in the dust and disorganized room, by Komui, Allen begrudgingly helps.  Only after a chance accident, Allen discovers a note written by his friend, Lavi, titled 'My True Heart' and his mind and emotions change upon reading it, making him rethink his relationship with the young Bookman Jr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered

Disclaimers: I don't own D.Gray-man; I'm only using the characters for my amusment!  Enjoy!  <3

Shattered

"Allen-kun~!"

He was getting closer.  Shit.

Silver-blue eyes darted back and forth around the dark and creepy hallway, his left hand pressing against the cool, cracked brick wall as a guide in the almost complete darkness that surrounded him.  He thought for sure no one would find him hiding here.

But he was sadly mistaken.

He continued on a couple more steps, hearing his name being called again, now much closer, and snapped his head in around to face the direction from which he came just as his fingers found a dip in the wall and solid wood just beneath.

'Yes!  A door!' he mentally cheered, his facial expression however was one of pure terror as he fumbled blindly for the handle as his persuer got closer, the non-existant light somehow gleaming off the person's glasses in a dangerous flash.  'Open...OPEN!'

"I've found you, Allen-kun~!" came the sickly sweet sing song voice just a mere step behind him as he continued to struggle with the door fruitlessly, his eyes now locked with maniacal eyes.

A hand swiftly grasped the back of his uniform and began to drag him back down the hall, Komui whistling happily as the dust trailed behind them in swirls with Allen kicking and screaming for help.

He did NOT want any part of this today.  Especially THAT room!

Some odd minutes later, being dragged more willingly now that he knew he wasn't going to get out of helping, they stood in front of the door in the Black Order that he feared most.

Bookman and Lavi's room.

"Now, Allen," Komui beamed to him, brandishing his own hardhat.  "Try to keep everything in order as possible as we do this.  Bookman will most likely destroy our hard work as soon as he gets back, but this needs to be done!"

'Then why do it at all?!' he mentally questioned as he was realeased, glancing to his captor from the corner of his eye before focusing back on the door.

Seeing as Bookman and Junior were rarely in their room anymore, there was an enormous pile of dust collecting on the seemingly randomly scattered stacks of books and documents, not to mention the mice many had seen come scamppering in and out from beneath the door as of late.

Hunched over next to Komui in deafeat, the Science Department head opened the door with a swift kick, dust clouds the likes of which Allen had never seen exploding into the air and a few mice running quickly for shelter.

"We really..." Allen coughed as he unwillingly followed Komui in, " have to reorganize and clean this entire room by tomorrow night?"

"That's correct~!  Now, you start on that side, and I'll take the desk!"

Why, oh why, didn't he have a mission to be on right now like everyone else?!

With a heavy sigh, he began placing blank pieces of paper in the books that lay open as makeshift bookmarks for the Bookmen before he began to close them and set them in the order he found them on the nearly empty bookshelves.  Documents that were between them were blown free of dust, stacked together neatly, and placed on top of the books that they were found between on the shelves.

Three hours had flown by and Allen was covered in dust from head to toe and they had barely made a pathway that you didn't have to worry about tripping over anything to the beds and book shevles.  Not to mention that Komui was convinently still working on clearing off the desk.

"Komui...Can we take a break and get lunch?" the teen whined sometime into the fourth hour, his stomach growling loudly as he shuffled to the book cases again with a new stack of freshly dusted books.  "Komui?"

Silence continued to fill the room as it had all morning, Allen shuffling over towards the desk with a glare already in place.

"I knew it..." he growled in irritation as he took in the sight of Komui passed out on the tiny space he had cleared off.  Furious, Allen grabbed a book and chucked it at his head, not caring what damage he done to the Science Department leader's noggin.  It's not like he had a brain in there anway, right?

"Allen!  How mean!" he cried as he was pelted with another book in the back, his arms flying up to cover himself as he turned in the desk chair to face Allen with tears streaming down his eyes; always the drama queen.  "I just wanted a little break!"

Fuming, Allen made to pick up another book but stopped, his anger almost instantly vanishing as Komui stood quickly, and recklessly, in an attemtp to flee the oncoming attack only to fumble his foot over the corner of the desk.

All Allen could do was watch with wide eyes as the jarring motion of the desk knocked loose a totally dust-free picture frame, the wood and glass with an unknown memory freefalling the few feet to the floor below.  Glass shattered everywhere, then silence once again falling over them.

"I'll find another frame!  They're already gonna be mad enough for us cleaning in here!" Komui yelped as he dashed from the room, though Allen's eyes never left the frame, even as he walked over to the smashed pieces of glass and wood.

"He'll know anyway...He'd instantly notice the tiny differences in the frames..." Allen sighed as he lifted the picture from the frame, his eyes growing in shock as he held the glossy photo between his thumb and forefinger.  "This is..."

It was a picture from a few short months ago when they had celebrated his birthday, and the odd thing was that the picture was folded in half, only showing Lavi with his arm slung around his shoulders with Leenalee, Kanda, and a few other Order members on the other side of the folded image.

He studied the picture for a few moments, wondering if maybe it was folded because he only had this small of a frame and wanted to see himself in the picture, or maybe it was because...

Shaking his head, knocking a certain train of thought from his mind, he set the picture on the desk and turned to clean up the broken frame, his fingers stopping short as he knelt down, tilting his head slightly as he noticed a piece of folded paper still in the shards of debris.

Gingerly picking it up, letting the tiny glass fragments fall back to the floor, he noticed that it had writing on it.

"My true heart," he murmured softly to the empty room.

'I shouldn't...' Allen chided himself despite the fact that he was already opening the paper, glancing around to make sure Komui hadn't returned.

_"I've always been told since I was taken in as a Bookman that in our line of work we aren't allowed to have a heart.  But it's hard fighting human nature.  We're designed to care for or hate one another._

_But lately, my heart's been getting in the way and overrunning my mind.  I find myself doing things an outside observer shouldn't be doing: meddling and pushing things the way I want them to go.  Of course Bookman gave me a thourough scolding for my behavior, once again reminding me of my place._

_So I'm hoping that by putting my true heart in this letter and getting that one thing that I really want to push for myself out of my mind and heart, I can focus and return to my path as a Bookman with no worries._

_So here it is, the one thing that tears at my heart and makes me want to throw away my duties as Bookman: Allen Walker."_

The silver haired teen stopped here, his eyes wide.  There was more to be read, but he quickly folded the paper and tucked it a pocket as he heard footsteps echoing down the hall.  He then hasitly set back to work.

"There!  Now he'll never know!" Komui beamed a few minutes later, his hands on his hips as he admired his handiwork, failing to clean up the evidence, or anything else for that matter.  "Let's have lunch!"

Dusting himself off as best as he could, Allen grinned from ear to ear as he followed Komui to the dining hall, though his mind was still wandering back to the letter tucked in his pocket.  Sadly, he'd have to wait until later tonight, if he got to sleep at all knowing how much of a slave-driver Komui could be, before he could read the letter.  And he'd have to have it done before Lavi returned the next evening.  He knew once the Bookmen returned they would throw a tantrum just from their room being touched, but this would aslo be the only chance he'd have to put the letter back with the picture in its new frame seeing as he, as well as other Order members, made it known that they wanted to stay as far away from that dust covered, rodent infested, avalanche prone room.

xoxoxox

"KOMUIIIIIIII~!" Allen groaned sometime late into the night, his hand on his lower back as he stretched backwards slightly in pain.  "Can we finish this tomorrow?"

The Science Department head had actually helped out quite a bit after lunch and the room would surely be done early in the afternoon the following day if he continued to help.

"Finish that stack you're working on then call it a night!" he called back a few moments later, grinning as he was already headed out of the room.

Allen glared after him for a few moments until he was gone from view before shuffling over to the unmade bunks in the corner, brushing a thin layer of dust away from the unused sheet before seating himself on the mattress.  He then quickly pulled the letter out, glancing to the door briefly before turning his full attention to the rest of what had been on his mind all day.

_"I know he's supposed to be the center of our interest right now, but he's just captured my interest a bit more than as an observer.  Even during a critial turning point in a battle, my eyes always follow him, not minding if the enemy has me targeted.  Back at the Order I try to sneak away from Bookman as much as possible to watch him, to be near him._

_At first, I had convinced myself that this was my job as a Bookman, but then I found myself wanting to be near him no matter what was going on around me.  I found my hands would reach towards him of their own accord, pulling him close and never wanting to let go._

_I'm afraid what will happen next if I don't rid myself of his burden of a heart.  I fear that I'll try to take it farther the next time I'm with him, like try to kiss him or touch him in a sexual way...He'd hate me for sure._

_I don't know if it's love or just a fleeting crush, but I do know that it hurts to be away from him.  Even if I try to block him from my life, after this is written and sealed away, I know my mind will still try to wander to him and my heart yearning for him to be near.  But I have to fight it!  I have to become a Bookman and rid myself of such sentiments!_

_And now that I've poured my true heart out onto this paper, I seal it away from all.  One day I hope to forget my feelings for him and follow in Bookman's footsteps.  I can only hope to be as strong as he is._

_Allen, I think I may love you, and you'll never know me as anything more than a friend.  Good luck and be safe..."_

His eyes scanned the paper again and again, sometime during his seventh or eighth reading, he had laid back agains the neglected pillow, sputtering momentarily as a cloud of dust rose from it on impact.

He wasn't sure what he should feel about this secret confession.  He knew he liked Lavi as a good friend anyway, but he had never really thought about touching or kissing him.  And he had never really noticed how often Lavi touched him, embraced him, until he let his mind wander to memories past.  It felt so natural to be in his embrace that Allen hadn't cared; he felt safe there in his arms.

'Now to put this back,' he decided some time later, dusting his rear end as he stood and headed to the picture frame.  As he pried the backing off the frame, he froze.  'Lavi's going to know that someone read this,' he thought frantically, his eyes wide as he stared at the folded piece of paper.  He couldn't remember what direction the words on the outside were facing when he had picked it up that afternoon.  For a fraction of a second, he convinced himself that Lavi would at least know that someone had touched it once he noticed that it wasn't in the original frame, but he knew how sneaky and curious everyone was at the order too.  Any one would want to know what that letter said.

With a sigh of defeat, Allen placed the paper behind the folded picture and replaced the backing, setting the picture upright again.  His eyes danced between his image and Lavi's in the photo, noting everything.  How Lavi's arm was pulling him to his side, how they were both smiling with Allen's cheek pressed to the redhead's...Just everything.

'Maybe I should just go to bed and think about this some more after the cleaning's done.  Lavi won't know that it was me that read the letter, or moved it for that matter.'

But oh, how wrong he was!

xoxoxox

The next evening, a little later than expected, Lavi and Bookman stared wide-eyed and mouth's agape as they stood just inside their room.

It was spotless from ceiling to floor.  All their orgainzed shit piles were moved and placed neatly on the dusted book shevles, the desk cleared of everything except the picture frame and a few candle holders and writing equipment, their beds freshly made with clean bed clothes...

You'd have thought Komui had set something loose again in the halls of the Black Order with the twin screams that issued forth from the Bookmen's room.

"They're home," Allen mumbled as he closed his own bedroom door, slightly nervous.

It didn't take more than an hour before he heard Lavi and Komui going at it in the hall, Bookman having locked himself in the room to start 'reorganizing' important documents.

"Then make sure you tidy up a bit in between missions!" Komui yelled in return to the fuming redhead.  "No one wants mice running about!"

"You could've just dusted and laid some traps then!  You didn't have to move EVERYTHING!" Lavi yelped.  "And what happened to my picture frame?!  Who changed it?!"

'I knew it,' Allen thought as he pressed his ear harder to the door.  He knew better than to leave his room as he would surely become the next victim.  'It didn't take him long at all to notice...'

"It broke."

"Who broke it?!" he asked, a slight tremor in his voice.

"I did."

"What did you put in the frame?"

"The picture that was in there."

Allen's eyes widened as he backed away from the door.  Lavi was going to kill him.

"Just the picture?" Lavi whimpered.

"Just the picture."

"Komui," he sighed, trying to calm his shaking voice.  "Who else was in there with you?"

"Allen, of course.  Everyone else was gone or refused to help!" Komui pouted as Lavi grabbed him by the collar.

'I'm dead...'

"Al...Allen, you say?"  There was no denying the quiver in his voice as it drifted to Allen's ears.

'I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead...' his mind kept chanting, all color draining from his face as he backed against his farthest wall, trying to become one with it.

"Why?  Did I miss something?"

"You're sure you didn't see a piece of paper with the photo?"

"Pretty sure..." Komui hummed as he tried to recall yesterday morning.

Allen couldn't see it, but Lavi was shaking from head to toe, his eyes filled with terror, his grip loosening from Komui's shirt as his head turned up to stare at Allen's door a few floors above them.


End file.
